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December 15, 2008


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a question like Why Me can often times keep us stuck in victimland. we can remain a victim of our circumstances or we can ask the question in reverse--why not me? just like you did. Being and remaining a victim-it's so normal, of course-keeps the cycle going-it perpetuates feelings of anger and rage.it's a healthy question to ask and it's also a healthy one to let go of when the time is right. When we can break free from being a victim and instead say "what can i take from this?what is g-d trying to teach me here?" we become empowered to see our role and how we have a choice to stand up or sit down.


Completely agree with what you say here. Though I don't know who you are, I suspect you learned by experience--the way most of us learn this lesson ultimately. Took me most of my life to learn it but I feel grateful that I finally did. Thank you for adding your words of wisdom here--you perfectly summed up my feelings about being a victim.


I never really got into the Why Me after the aneurysm. Of course, the whole story is that I knew it was going to happen (hmmm, think I should tell that story?). I never thought I was going to die, either, which kinda amazed my doctor. I do have other not-so-Kosher feelings--like waiting for the other shoe to drop and another aneurysm to pop. And I feel sheepish about having had such a Serious Illness, almost like I didn't deserve something so important (hmmmm, think I should follow that line of thinking?).


I think I could sit down and talk for hours with you--and the first commenter---or anyone else about this subject. Completely fascinates me how we all deal with these crises in our lives. Plus of course, the aftermath. We humans are such complex creatures. I never get tired of this stuff even though I haven't written much about it here....yet.

Rock and Roll Mama

I haven't been a cancer patient, but I've asked this question of other things for certain- when I was pregnant and lost my first baby, I asked "Why me? Why her?" when, of course, there are just no satisfactory answers.

I'm watching my mom and MIL battle cancers right now- one breast, one ovarian. My MIL is a 15 year breast canver survivor, and now has Stage 3 ovarian cancer. They both have very good prognoses, but it is tempting sometimes to wonder "Why them?" or even, "Why now? Why both diagnosed within 2 weeks of each other?" Sometimes it's hard to know how to keep up, how to best help them both. But then other times, I see them talking and supporting each other, and I suspect that although I may not know the plan, or even like it if I did, there is one, somewhere. Thanks for sharing your experiences.


I agree there are no answers for any of these things that don't make sense. But sometimes what can help is what your mom and mother-in-law are instinctively doing---and what I'm learning that blogging is all about---sharing our stories in good times and bad. Thank you so much for sharing yours here.

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